Too often, I see dumb and pointless photos published in the MLS. I truly do not understand how agents could possibly think posting a picture of a door handle will help sell their listing. So I ask, “What’s your point?” to these moron agents – and I imagine that the following responses would be their best attempt at an excuse.
Me: Why is this photo necessary?
Moron Agent: This is the only room with electric. Also, the rest of the house is run by hamsters on wheels 24 hours a day.
Me: What does this photo show, exactly?
Moron Agent: I’m too chicken-shit to walk in that cold white stuff to get a proper photo of the yard.
Me: Why do you have a photo of a door?
Moron Agent: Because it’s the only one in the house; all the others were chewed through by the four monster dogs that live there.
Me: This photo is stupid and gross! What’s the point when you can’t see anything?
Moron Agent: That actually is the point. Nobody can see in or out of these filthy screens which means ultimate privacy for the owner.
Me: Are you sure this is a “Laundry Room?”
Moron Agent: It’s behind those closet doors and I was too lazy to open them. And, I was high…
Me: Why do you have a close-up of curtains that don’t even come with the house?
Moron Agent: I blame my assistant for uploading all the photos. I take no ownership for her mistakes.
Me: How is a photo of a flying goose in any way a selling feature for this home?
Moron Agent: I took the photo to show that the goose was flying away from the home. You will never have to worry about a geese problem because of all the pesticides the owner has sprayed in the yard. Also, I took the photo because I am an absolute moron.
Me: This is a disgusting photo of a cheap faucet and dirty dishes! Why would you publish this?
Moron Agent: A dirty house means that memories are being made!
Me: A dirty litter box? Why was this photo even taken?
Moron Agent: To show that this closet is a good place to store shit.
Me: Why take a close up photo of this $20 shower head?
Moron Agent: I think it’s “artsy” and cool that you can watch yourself wash yourself. Also, I wanted everyone to see the sweater vest that I was rocking that day.
Me: What in the world is behind that shower curtain? A pile of dirty clothes? A body? Jabba the Hut?
Moron Agent: Mystery entices buyers. I’m expecting buyers by the bus loads at my open house this weekend!
Me: Why have a photo of a door handle?
Moron Agent: This is the “playroom” and it locks from the outside. Whips, floggers, and swing excluded from sale.
Written by Sarah D’Hondt!
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