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Water Cooler Talk – Week of 3/6/17

Welcome to Water Cooler Talk, a weekly review of sports events that I find mildly interesting.

Disclaimer: There’s a good chance I hate your team.

NBA

For the first half of last Sunday’s Knicks-Warriors game, there was no artificial sound. What may have been a nostalgic moment for fans in attendance became an annoyance for some of the players, especially the most outspoken ones.

Even if he’s being a tad overdramatic (which is so unlike him), Draymond has a point. If you’ve played your whole basketball career with music and background noise and then have it disappear for a half of basketball, it’s going to mess up your routine and rhythm.

It was either the lack of noise or the table service at 1Oak, but the play was extremely sloppy for the first half and got exponentially better when the music came back on after halftime.

For the fans watching at home, the first half was unbearable. With no background noise, all I could hear was the squeak of player’s sneakers, and Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson talking about the good ole days when you could pay a nickel to watch players dribble like Stanley from “The Office”.

Was this really a promotion or did the Knicks forget to tell the employee in charge of the arena’s in-game entertainment about this early Sunday game and the traffic in New York prevented him from getting there until the second half?

The Warriors have been struggling recently, going 2-3 since the loss of Kevin Durant.

To add insult to the knee injury, Steph got a little too full of himself at the end of third and started trash talking Celtics’ rookie, Jaylen Brown. If you talk the talk, you better walk the walk. Unfortunately, Curry and the Warriors tripped on their own shoe laces and the Celtics came back to win in impressive fashion, 99-86.

This was the Battle of Waterloo, except both starting point guards have a Napoleon Complex. Tyler Ulis (5’9’’, undrafted rookie) versus Isaiah Thomas (5’9’’, last pick in the draft). Ulis must have had a booster seat as he was able to win this showdown stealing the ball from Thomas in the last seconds and hitting the game winning three. Didn’t think it would be the NBA where you would see two players that probably couldn’t get on the majority of roller coasters at a theme park playing against each other.

Let’s just ignore the fact that the Phoenix Suns’ mascot is a gorilla, and just enjoy this clip of him diving onto the court like it was Pete Rose sliding into first base.

This is the best sequence of plays you’ll see from one player this year. Kawhi Leonard hits the go-ahead three and then follow it up by blocking the game winning shot on the other end. Incredible.

The good news is this play is awesome. The bad news is it created a week-long debate on who should be this year’s MVP, and we all know how enjoyable those discussions are. Arguing who should win this award when there is still a quarter of the season left seems to lack a little foresight, but I’ll take anything to avoid talking about politics or problems in the real world.

Dirk Nowitzki, the greatest international player ever (Hakeem Olajuwon doesn’t count since he attended high school in the United States), joined an exclusive club Tuesday as he reached 30,000 points in his career.

What’s even better is he reached the pinnacle using his patented fadeaway shot.

I’m avoiding making any jokes because I don’t want Mark Cuban to email my CEO.

There’s a lot of teams tanking at this point in the seasons. This guy could get some decent minutes for the Lakers right now if he wanted to.

NHL

So little effort in this amazing goal. Just letting the puck do all the work for him.

This week was PK Subban’s first game in Montreal after being traded to the Nashville Predators. Let’s just say it got a little emotional.

Okay, it got REALLY emotional. An awesome moment for Subban and his fans. Subban loves Canada, especially Montreal, donating millions to their children’s hospital and many other charities.

It’s just unfortunate his love for his former team and the city they played in was reciprocated from the front office, who traded him last offseason for an aging defenseman, Shea Weber. You could probably figure out why management didn’t like Subban with a quick Google image search of him and Weber, but that’s just one person’s opinion.

I still will never understand why NHL teams don’t just get the fattest people they can find to play goalie. How can the other team score when the net is blocked by a morbidly obese man with pads on?

Any diehard hockey fan will use Adam McQuaid’s injury as a testament as why their sport is “tougher” than any other sport.

“LeBron is out with the flu? That’s cute. The defenseman on the Boston Bruins got sliced with a skate, received 25 stitches and isn’t going to miss game. Also, please like my sport. PLEASE!”

I’ve tried to do something similar to this in a video game, and ended up getting hit so hard it broke the glass. Guess I needed the update that allows players to 50/50 rail on the side boards.

NFL

Nick Mangold received some unfortunate news at “The Happiest Place On Earth”. Usually when you get cut at Disneyland, it’s just someone with a disability going ahead in line for Splash Mountain.

The highlight of this year’s NFL Combine was John Ross breaking the forty-yard dash record previously set by Chris “Getting Away From The Cops Speed” Johnson. He manages to both make this run look so effortless while simultaneously running so hard he hurt himself immediately afterwards.

Adidas ran a promotion that anyone who could break the forty-yard dash record in their shoes would win the rights to an island. Ross decided to run in Nikes.

So instead of a worthless island that would have enough property taxes to burn thru Ross’ rookie contract, he got an endorsement deal from Nike and will receive actually money. The island promotion left Adidas stranded as Nike used it against them with a perfect subtweet to their competitor.

If John Ross was the highlight of the NFL Combine, the amount of effort put in to hyping up a coin flip for who picks 14th in the draft was definitely the lowlight.

Penalize players for wearing cool shoes and celebrating after they score? Bad.

Putting unreasonable amounts of effort into creating a spectacle around flipping a quarter in the air? Good.

Tony Romo is about to be released or traded in the next couple of days so his sons might be his only passing options he has for a bit. Rivers Romo already has Dez Bryant’s crybaby act down so at least it won’t be too unfamiliar for him.

This is the feeling I get whenever I try to apply for a job and they ask me to fill in my education and employment history. No one has the time for that.

Half the people reading this couldn’t run a sub-six second forty-yard dash in cleats. She’s doing it in heels. Wouldn’t be surprised if she was the starting slot receiver on the Patriots next year. Belichick loves those kinds of intangibles.

Shut up, Mitch.

Trying to change your name right before the NFL is one of the biggest red flags I’ve ever seen.

It is rumored that one of the reasons for the change is that mispronunciations of his name has led to the nickname “Mr. Biscuit.”

I think I know the real reason: What rhymes with Mitch?

Coach McDermott finally figured out the Bills’ problems. It wasn’t the lack of talent on the roster, the failed draft picks, or constant turnover of head coaches. It was too much time playing Madden.

Football’s a man’s game and if you don’t like that you won’t be able to mentally relax after a day of practice by playing games with your teammates, then maybe you don’t want to play in the beautiful city of Buffalo.

There’s been a lot of free agency the past couple of days but most notable is Brock Osweiler getting traded for less than nothing to the Cleveland Browns. Usually it’s a turn of phrase when you say someone got traded for nothing, but they literally had to give up a draft pick just so they would take him and his outrageous salary for the next year.

The worst team in the NFL last year would rather eat $16 million in cap space then give him a roster spot even though they desperately need a quarterback. Brock Osweiler is THAT BAD. But if you were subjected to watching a Texans game this year, you may have already known that.

MLB

This is the greatest baseball highlight ever. Willie Mays’ over-the-shoulder catch can’t even hold a candle to this guy nonchalantly catching a flying baseball bat like it’s coming at him in slow-motion.

I think it’s time Tim Tebow goes away. His college years were amazing as was the miracles he pulled off in his second year with the Broncos, but since then it’s just been circus acts for a very mediocre athlete. Let’s check the highlights of his Spring Training debut.

Tebow struck out twice, hit into a double play, got hit by pitch, was mistaken for a batboy by the opposing team and still received standing ovations. It’s been a decade since his first Heisman and he still puts asses in the seats. He’s not the right fit for the Mets since he’s god awful at baseball and I think they want to win this year, but toss him on a team like the Braves and boost ticket sales. Or don’t. I rather not have ESPN dedicate half their programming to Tim Tebow coverage.

I swear baseball goes out of its way with these unwritten rules to make the game worse. I feel like no matter how many years you are in the league if you are hitting a homerun off a Cy Young winning pitcher, you’ve earned it. If I ever got a chance to hit a home run, I’d flip my bat and hope it went farther than the ball. For example:

Hopefully he doesn’t play the Cubs anytime soon.

College Basketball

There should be a Vegas prop bet: Number of Duke wins in the tournament versus times Grayson Allen hits an opponent.

When he plays Draymond Green next year in the NBA, I expect them to knock each other out within the first five minutes.

It’s too close to the tournament so don’t expect another suspension for this kind of behavior to be punished from Coach K.

GRAYSON ALLEN UPDATE:

He’s already in true tournament form. Can’t wait for the meltdown after they lose in the second round.

Michael Jordan, most known for being the crying man people Photoshop onto losing teams created another meme for us this past weekend.

The ceiling… is the roof? I mean technically he’s right. They are both part of the top of buildings, but was this supposed to be motivational? Because some ceilings aren’t that high. Most people tell you to reach for the stars. Jordan is saying you should settle for drywall ten feet above your head.

Dunk City is back! Ready to make another Cinderella run*.

*They are going to lose in the first round and ruin your bracket.

If we are planning on getting rid of Tebow forever, it looks like sports programming has already found his replacement in LaVar Ball. In the past couple of weeks, he’s said his son is better than Steph Curry, asserted that his son will only play for the Lakers, and that his clothing line will be bigger than Nike. Networks are eating it up, booking him on every show they can. This time he had some not-so-kind words for Sir Charles Barkley.

LaVar Ball is a first ballot hall of fame helicopter dad. UCLA thought the drama was over when P. Diddy tried to attack a strength and conditioning coach with a kettlebell but now they have LaVar around campus for at least three more years.

Looking forward to the “30 for 30” documentary on this family in a couple decades. It’s going to make Marv Marinovich look like a father of the year.

Known curmudgeon, Jim Boheim, had some harsh words for host of this year’s ACC Tournament. Unfortunately for him, towns and cities have become sentient in the 21st century and Greensboro was able to come back at Jim through their official twitter account.

WOO!

Soccer

We can’t go a calendar year without an epic comeback in each sport and we got one with Thursday’s game between FC Barcelona and Paris SG. I have no clue what the actual rules for the Champion’s League are but I’m going to do my best to talk soccer. Basically, FC Barcelona not only had to win, but win by five goals in order to beat Paris SG in aggregate to advance to the quarterfinals. It’s tough enough to score one or two goals in one game, let alone five.

Barcelona scored six, with the game winning goal coming in the finals seconds of the match. This is the soccer equivalent of blowing a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. Paris SG are now the Atlanta Falcons of Europe.

Let’s just say Barcelona’s press box was pleased with the victory.

As were some of the commentators.

Play Of The Year

Finally, the greatest clip of the year. I won’t even comment on it because my words wouldn’t do it any justice.

That was this week’s Water Cooler Talk.

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Twitter:  @ChrisScondi

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Medium: Sports By Scondi

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By | March 10th, 2017|BA News, Home Slideshow, Sports|

About the Author:

Amateur sports writer, #USC alum and and hot take enthusiast #AllHypeNoPrep

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