Every industry needs its role models. To prove my assertion, let’s take booming economic sector of “Hot Chicks on Reality TV.” After the resounding success of Paris Hilton’s fully night-visioned sex tape (ingeniously named One Night in Paris), Kim Kardashian promptly released her rebuttal. Legendary Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Epert proclaimed Kim’s sex tape as “a postmodern masterpiece” and it catapulted her to the coveted title of America’s Sweetheart. Thanks to Paris Hilton, Mrs. Kardashian-West is now the keystone of a billion dollar media empire.
You know who else led an empire? Darth Vader. And he’d never have been the Jedi master without his role model Obi Won Kenobi. Without Obi Won, we’d be stuck with Anakin Skywalker, the pod-racing virgin back on Tatooine.
Real estate, my friends, is no different. As I’m sure you’ve inferred from my extremely high-brow and extremely factual anecdotes, having role models is important. Let’s take a dive into the inner workings of my psyche and explore my role models, the legends of real estate who constantly remind me to strive for greatness.
1) Donald Trump
What else can I possibly say about the man that hasn’t already been said? Probably nothing, but here’s my spiel anyway. Real estate is solely a means to an end. From my assessment, Trump realized he’d never be the best or smartest real estate developer. Instead, he’d become the most famous.
This is Donald Trump’s innovation, creating a reinforcing cycle of fame stemming from real estate branding and outrageous media stories. Sure, there’ve been other famous people in real estate. But unless you work in the business, you have no idea who they are! Fame is just a side-effect of their success. For Trump, fame is what makes the whole real estate gig work.
If the media is a landlord and clickbait makes up the supply of credit-worthy tenants, Donald Trump is the ultimate broker. He can sell papers and gets clicks better than anyone in America and, boy, does he know it. In the age of dead gorilla memes, Donald Trump is the ultimate real estate role model.
2) Blake, Alec Baldwin’s character from Glenngarry Glen Ross
First off, one would assume Glengarry Glen Ross is an amazing movie due to its star-studded cast and 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. I assure you, dear readers, this is not the case. It’s based off a Broadway play, so the only people who enjoy it are the people who refer to movies only as “films.” The only amusing part of Glenngarry Glen Ross is Alec Baldwin’s famous speech where he says:
“A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing!”
You’re in real estate, so you’ve heard Blake’s famous line. Whenever I hear elders in the biz’ talk about how “back in the good old days we used to spank our 18 year old interns on the ass!” (or something similar) I think of Blake. Well, elders, Blake is a douchebag and we’re better off without him. If I wanted Alec Baldwin to call me a pussy in front of twenty other people, I’d— well I guess I’d just publically ask him a question because I hear Alec Baldwin has zero chill.
3) The Property Brothers
If HGTV celebrities were Greek gods, the Property Brothers would be Zeus and Zeus’ identical twin brother. Imagine the plot of a Mary-Kate and Ashely direct-to-VHS movie, but instead featuring Canadian dudes with real estate licenses. That’s basically the Property Brothers.
Jonathan, the contractor brother, has long hair and a beard. Drew, the real estate agent brother, is clean-shaven and wears a suit. From this, I’ve inferred that edgy Jonathan likes to talk about the superior sound quality of vinyl records while workaholic Drew struggles with the concept of an afterlife. Real estate can get deep.
They’re my role models because one time I drunkenly saw them at sushi and interrupted their dinner to take an Instagram. I got over 100 likes. See below. #blessed
Of course, I could go on and on talking about the gods of my Real Estate Pantheon. In all truthfulness, I could easily crank out a 20 page essay dissecting Shaquille O’Neal’s iconic 2003 episode of Cribs, because it was that ridiculous. In an industry with so many absurd personalities, the legends are all around us!
Written by Tommy Adelson AKA “The Country Club Broker”
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