After watching the Olympics I thought it would be funny to come up with a list of events that realtors should compete in. Only the most disciplined and experienced realtors in the world will be able to handle THE REAL ESTATE OLYMPICS.
1) The Silent Dinner Party
Location: Public restaurant.
Duration: Two hours.
Rules: At a dinner party with ten wealthy people, how long can you last without telling everyone that you are a realtor. The realtor that avoids the topic for the longest amount of time wins the gold medal.
2) The Social Media Facade
Location: Office, car, couch, toilet, etc.
Duration: 24 hours.
Rules: This is a competition where realtors have a whole day to post about doing real estate activities without actually doing them. Let’s stick to Twitter so there is a uniform character limit. You cannot post any motivational quotes that you did not make up yourself. You cannot recycle old pictures of yourself at a construction site. Must be all organic material. The person that loses the most followers, friends, and business wins gold.
3) The Post-Happy Hour Counter Offer
Location: Wherever the hell you want.
Duration: You have fifteen minutes before they are “reviewing offers.”
Rules: Must have at least three drinks in one hour. Realtor that types up the cleanest offer with no mistakes in the quickest amount of time wins gold.
4) The Translator
Location: At a general inspection with your buyers.
Duration: Depends on the square footage of the house duh.
Rules: The realtor who most accurately explains what the inspector said to their clients will win gold.
5) The Cross-Town Showing Race
Location: Your car.
Duration: 10 mile, rush hour, (gas blinking light on)
Rules: Your client texts you saying “I’m here with the other agent.” Even though your client is like twenty minutes early, you do not want him/her talking with that other agent who happens to be a complete snake. You have to trust Google Maps and beat the other cars to their clients. First one there gets to take home the gold medal.
*No realtors may drink coffee throughout all events. Those who are caught “juicing” will be subject to expulsion and may be subject to further disciplinary actions by their brokerage.