So, your office party is in two weeks and you have nobody to take. Assuming you are single or just hate your spouse, here is a simple guide on who to choose as your date.
1) Take someone who is at least somewhat in your league:
I have been to office parties where some dudes have shown up with girls that are ten times better looking than them and it just looks stupid. Do not take anyone you have to pay just to be with you.
2) Take someone who will dress classy:
If you are a girl, do not take a guy who thinks he can dress like Pharrell. In fact, do not take anyone who will wear a hat at all. This is not the Kentucky Derby. Also, make sure your date wears something appropriate. I’m always down for boobs, but keep it under control this is a work party not the Playboy Mansion.
3) Take someone within your age range:
Last year I saw a thirty year old girl with someone who looked like they belonged in a retirement home. Everyone was talking about it. I am still talking about it. Like…I wonder what was going on there?
4) Take someone who can handle their liquor:
Open bars can be dangerous for anyone, especially Realtors. Make sure your date can hang with your coworkers without blacking out and projectile vomiting on your office manager.
5) Take someone who actually likes you as a person:
This may be difficult. However, it is important to take a date that will speak positively about you behind your back. The last thing you want is your date running their mouth about your gambling addiction while you are taking a piss.