View Larger Image Three Hours of Paradise The alarm sounds off as I awake in a fury My head is throbbing and my vision blurry My throat is dry and I’m still in my jeans Sunday morning you know what that means For the fifth week in a row at the same open house Where nobody comes, no human or mouse Flags and signs rattle in the depths of my trunk As I drive in my car with my livelihood shrunk I pull up to the home to my utter dismay The owner is home, like he is every day “Hello Broke Agent why is it not selling?” Look Mr. Seller “there’s just no way of telling” Automatic responses engraved in my brain For he is unrealistic and clearly insane It is way overpriced with no curb appeal And the owner won’t budge so no chance at a deal So I turn on the lights and unlock the doors Put my business cards out and sweep up the floors Then lean back on the wall and I whip out my phone As I prepare to be bored and for 3 hours alone Almost halfway through with my sign-in sheet bare I sink deeper and deeper into a chair A slight knock at the door breaks up my trance In enters Cheryl and her fiancé Lance “First time here?” With a smile I greet “Yes just looking we live right down the street!” “Fantastic,” I say. My eyes roll in my head “Take a look around there’s a bathroom and bed” Are you in the market? Are you looking to buy? What is your budget? What style and why? I ask all my questions with a shit-eating grin Until I hear “what school district is this in?” I shake and I sweat like I’m riddled with flu With a slight hesitation, I say “no fucking clue” Just write me an offer or leave me in peace But if you’re not looking to buy I’ll show you a lease The Broke Agent’s goal is to always be funny If I can’t make you laugh I’ll at least save you money I will give you a treat for your business to grow All you must do is click the picture below By Eric Simon| 2016-11-11T15:52:46+00:00 March 1st, 2016|Residential| Share This Story, Choose Your Platform! FacebookTwitterLinkedinRedditTumblrGoogle+PinterestVkEmail About the Author: Eric Simon My friends call me "The Crow" because I put so many homes in Escrow. No they don't. Related Posts Leave A Comment Cancel reply Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.